shelli_kelly

22 today, and already bored out of my tiny mind. Why do I always expect something amazing to happen, like the world will be a completely different place just because I'm a day older?! Stupid really, suppose I'm just a child at heart! xx

Every time I walk anywhere today my shoe laces trip me over! This is gay.

On a different note, I really dont want to go away. I've only just got Dan and I'm so scared I'll lose him. I feel sick when I think about going away for nearly 3 weeks. I hate it. Please will everyone look after him for me??? I'm scared.

There will be lots of emo tears!

(Dan, I love you. I'm not gona run away and I can't wait till I get back cos I promise I will never leave you again! Love you xxxxxxxxx)

Sorry about this post, I just feel really down!

Although it's only tuesday (and I woke up thinking it was wednesday!) I'm in a really good mood.

It was really nice waking up next to Dan, even if he did fuck off and leave me at half 6! And to be honest, I don't care what anyone thinks. I really like him. He's mint!

Shouldn't be in a good mood really. Found out that a lot of my friends bitch about me behind my back and think that I'll never find out. But so what?! It's their loss if they're all gona be dicks! Plus, I probably bitch about them more than they do!

Had a dream that I was in some sort of mad 'War of the Worlds' place, it wasn't scary. I liked it, but just thought it was weird!

Best do some work! Get to see Dan in about 9 hours, yay!

8 hours, 59 mins....

I'm so lame! :)

Sometimes, I wish I was a cat. It would be ace.

I don't think I'd like to be a dog. Except maybe Snuffle Truffle.

I think maybe life as a Russain hamster would be fun though. The tiniest and deadliest of all creatures!

Heehee.

Hmmmmm, not only is work shit, no1 loves me!!!!!!

I text Dan to see if he got his tattoo..... no reply.

I text Jamie to see if he'd killed Dan (and worked thigns out with Rachel)..... no reply.

I text Matt to tell him my ingenious plan..... no reply.

I text Viki to tell her my ingenious plan..... no reply.

I get the feeling of being unloved today! Someone prove me wrong! Or I'll sulk.

Had a rather uneventful night in Vivaz. Except for the fact that Jamie actually made it to the club for once! And Dan came with us, which symbolised the end of his marriage (I think!) Not sure to be honest.

Been in a bad mood all night - various reasons. I've got a cold/cough, Jamie told everyone I fucked Dan (not true btw), everyone was drunk and I was painfully sober and last of all........ I'm emo! Hehe, been a weird night really.

I've just written a huge paragraph about love and how I'm feeling but I realised I don't want anyone to know it. Which is ironic really, considering what I wrote! Haha, makes no sense - and you'll never know why! But it's all here in my head. One day it will come spilling out. I just feel sorry for the person who gets to hear it!

Hollie made me smile, she was SOOO drunk. Bless her. Dan made me smile, I just wanted to hug him. Matt made me smile all night while I was doing "that face". Rachel made me confused as to why I ever fell out with her, she seems nice. Ross was.... well, he was Ross! Hyper, funny and very amusing! Jamie didnt do much really.

I'm going to bed now, to try to sort out this MASSIVE mess in my head. (And, no Jamie - it's not because of you!!)

I'd write a haiku about it, but I can't be bothered!!

Hi Ross!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *waves*

Jess, I have a CD and a belt loop(?!) for you that Phil gave me last night in XS. He asked me to pass them onto you.

I feel ill. I don't remember what happened last night, probably for the best. Except screaming that I wanted some 'fucking sambuka' or 'a pint of marmite and cheese'?! Hmmmm, I'm glad I don't remember anything else.

There were no cute freshers. Or if there were, I was too drunk to see them. And they were too sober to ever look at me again.

Today I bought a pink ipod mini, it's cute and I will probably never use it. However, I don't care! I don't remember much else from today. I went to town early and was shaking so badly that Dan told me to go sit down before I hurt myself. I didn't care, I pretty much wanted to hurt myself for being so stupid and pathetic and ugly and fat. Ha, I'm not emo, just sick of life.

Sick of boys I can't have, which makes me want them more. Sick of lookin like some sort of scene/emo/tacky whore/reject who's got no style. I can't pull it off, no matter how hard I try. Sick of living at home. Sick of wanting everything I can't have. Sick of feeling constantly ill. Sick of feeling rejected and unloved.

I just want everything to fall into place. I want to live happily ever after in a fairy tale.

*sulk*

End of rant.

Right at my feet -
and when did you get here,
snail?

Hmmm, not your typical haiku, but cheered me up none the less. Please explain how you're feeling today in the style of a haiku! Go on.... you know you want to!

I woke up this morning so dizzy that I thought I was going to be sick! I feel like my head's going to fall off! It's not nice. Hmmmm, haven't got anything to do today. Holl's at work, Steve doesn't seem to be talking to anyone and Matt seems to be quite emo. I told Jamie I'd go see him at work.... or was that Dan?! Either way, I'll go to Costa and see who wants to talk to me! But until then, I'm gona be bored! Think I'll cheer myself up by buying black lo-tops. Now, if only I could find some :(

Suppose I should buy a new car stereo cos mine's buggered! And I hate driving without music cos you can hear all the worrying little noises that my car makes. Mite have to make that a priority (although not over my converse!) Hmmm, we'll see.

Any suggestions of fun things to do would be very appreciated!

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )

Haha, after another funfilled(!) night in XS, and having been thoroughly pissed off by a boy (mentioning no names - Phil) - he text me to get Kirsty's number. So, I accidently gave him Simmo's! And now he's sat txting Simmo about how big his cock is!?!?! Which, by the way, is nothing to brag about *ahem* And what he'd like to do with it. Which incidently, is also nothing to brag about.... I've seen gerbils who could amuse me more. But that's a whole other story ;)

Sorry Kirsty, I figure you must kinda like him but I don't want anyone being subjected to that! Except Simmo, as he's the dirtiest motherfucker I know! Can give as good as he gets.

Anyway, it's causing much amusement as I sit drinking Ribena & wondering what to look at on the interweb! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (that's evil laughter by the way, not insane laughter)..........

Off to bed methinks xx

Yay, Leeds fest was altogether a good time. Not especially great & not especially shit!

Saw loads of bands........ Gratitude, Rise Against, From Autumn to Ashes, NOFX, Killers, Dropkick Murphys, Biffy Clyro, Fightstar, Blood Bros, Senses Fail, Million Dead...... loads more but my memory is shot to fuck after getting beatings from the riot police on the last night!!

Andy's 9 o'clock jabs didn't go down very well. Punches for anyone who wasnt up by 9 every day!! I started the second day by sitting outside his tent at 8.55 waiting to get my jabs in! Needless to say, he left me alone for the rest of the weekend!

Got some lovely bruises from Simmo's & mine hardcore dancing/fighting! That was a recurring theme of the weekend!

Last night riots were amazing! I'm not even gona try to describe them - you had to be there! But some of the beatings I saw will stay with me for life. Me and Jamie had a great time & didn't get any sleep.

Now I'm going to sleep for a week!

Why, oh why am I awake at 3 in the morning?!

Had a strangely productive night - not in any useful way. Just that I managed to sort my head out a little bit. Which is always good!

Went to Beached with Holl, Lib, Jules, Ross & Jamie. Everyone left except Jamie so we met up with Paul. Watched Electric Eel Shock who amused me muchly! Then left to take Paul home, cried a little cos Jamie went to Rachel's (again!). A drunken Paul talked much sense into me. Went and sat at the beach for a bit & watched the sea. Came home & now I'm talking to Beany on MSN - another boy who turned me down & now expects me to listen to his storys of ex-girlfs & his unfortunate love life!

God, how do I choose them????? Heehee, but nevermind. I'm in a reasonably good mood so I won't knock it!

Has anyone been watching Hollyoaks?!? I can't believe Ali & Macki are dead!

I'm so bored & I need to read about other people's angst so I don't feel as lame!

Once again, messed up my chances of anything going on with Jamie - by telling him how I felt! Erm, confused! Wish things would go back to how they were before, at least I knew where I stood when we were just mates.

My car is working for a change so that's all good!

Looking forward to Leeds festival, got it all planned now. Well, sort of but we'll see how that goes when there's last minute panic from everyone!

Gona curl up in a ball & sleep till then - see if everything is back to normal when I wake up!

Actually, best do some work. Then go home & get ready for tonight's drinking. Probably to drown my sorrows while watching Jamie/Rachel's make up/break up shenanigans like usual.

Oh the joy.

I don't know what to write but I have to put something down.

I'm running on nervous energy. What I'm nervous of I don't quite know. Well, I do, but I don't wana think about it cos I'll cry.

And you know the worst thing - there's people out there in the world with real problems & real shit to deal with. And yet I feel sorry for myself cos of a fucking boy. I hate it, and I wish I had a real cause to feel this way about.

~There then follows much angst & pathetic whining~

Was bored about 9 so decided to go for a drive. Picked up Sicko cos he called me & I couldn't bare to be on my own much longer. Drove past the back of Debenhams where we saw Paul & Jamie so span round to pick them up. Paul wanted a lift home but Jamie didn't - seems like he has prior arrangements which don't involve being nice to me in any way. Paul whispers that he has something to tell me. My heart stops for a second then drops into my stomach. I knew in my heart that Jamie was going to see Rachel but I didnt wana know in my head. Thing is, Paul tells me in such a nice way & reassures me that everything will be ok that I start sobbing in my car as I'm driving to Filey. Pathetic I know, but the fact is that Sicko & Paul were so nice. Just the way they were both there to reassure me when I needed someone. The hand on my shoulder to let me know that they want me to be ok is overwhelming & I don't know if I'm crying out of sadness or the fact that I feel loved by my friends. I think it was both. And for once, I wanted to cry so I fucking did.

Sat at Pauls house for a while. Everyone chatting about the good old days. I didn't want it to stop because it means my head will start racing & those horrible little thoughts tend to snowball. Watched some music videos & bounty hunting. Decided it was time to leave & here I am.

What a fucking pathetic day. It's not all written down here, but I don't want to carry on. I just feel stupid & lost. I want to be rescued but I know it's not all knights in shining armour & happily ever after.

My head hurts.

Everyone know's how much I've been stressing bout Jamie being away & how much I can't wait to see him so this morning when I got a text saying he was back in the country - why the fuck did I reply with 'Yeah, can meet up if you want. Text me later or summet'?!?! Hmmmm, playing it cool is not one of my strong points. Now he thinks I'm a complete twat & that I don't wana see him! I tried to apologise but it just made me seem like even more of an idiot.

Dunno what I'm gonna do today. No doubt it'll have to involve not having my car cos it's royally fucked. Today's just one of those days where everythin's gonna go wrong. I know it.

Grrrr, like usual. Stuck at work while I could be doing something good - like.... well, anything really! I'm so bored & I'm sick of horrible mean customers ringing me just to shout! Humph.

Anyway, my new tattoo is great! I love it. Plus it caused much amusement when Steve pulled the plaster off it & screamed cos he covered himself in vaseline! Heehee, maybe I'm mean but it made me giggle!

Keep getting really excited cos Jamie's back tomorrow! Yay! Don't know why I'm building myself up - he'll prob come back & tell me he hates me or I'm being stupid! But I just can't wait to see him. He's so pretty =)

Considering going out tonight but I think Vix wants a girly night in for her birthday. I don't mind, at least it will be better than XS. No doubt Phil will call me at stupid o'clock to see why I'm not out & tell me I'm lucky that he even likes me!! Twat.

Hmmm, back to work I suppose. I think I might cry (Cos I'm stressed not cos I'm emo!!)

I know what's wrong with the world!! No one fucking hugs me anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now children, we need to get this sorted! So next time you see me - hug me like you mean it! K? Good, glad we got that sorted! :)